Healing from Trauma Bonding: Strategies and Insights
Many people are unaware of the trauma bonding meaning and how this kind of relationship or condition can affect a person’s life. Also referred to as “Stockholm Syndrome,” trauma bonding is the process of forming trauma bonds or an emotional bond with a person that results from a recurring cycle of abuse reinforced by intermittent rewards and punishments. These bonds are common in abusive and toxic relationships, often affecting the victim’s life in more ways than one. Our drug rehab in Florida is sharing some helpful tips on healing from trauma bonding and enjoying new relationships without being weighed down by your past.
Why Does Trauma Bonding Occur?
To heal from trauma bonding requires a full understanding of why these relationships occur. Trauma bonding occurs when the abused person forms an unhealthy bond or attachment with the person who abuses them. The abused person may feel sympathetic towards the abusive person or feel as if they can’t leave them, which is reinforced by cycles of abuse interrupted by remorse and occasional rewards. Trauma bonding can occur in romantic relationships or between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends. It can basically occur in any situation involving one person abusing or exploiting another. Examples of situations where common trauma bonding can occur:
- Domestic abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Child abuse
- Incest
- Elder abuse
- Exploitative employment, such as one involving people who have immigrated without documentation
- Kidnapping or hostage-taking
- Human trafficking
- Religious extremism or cults
Specifically, trauma bonding occurs when:
- A person perceives a real threat or danger from their abuser
- A person experiences harsh treatment with intermittent or small periods of kindness and reward
- A person is isolated from other people and their opinions and perspectives
- A person believes they can’t escape from the abuser or situation
People with narcissistic personality disorder (a condition in which a person has an inflated sense of their importance and need for excessive attention) commonly cause trauma bonding by abusing their loved ones. For example, a narcissistic partner may create this bond by abusing their partner and then showering them with apologies and love, and gifts. This creates a vicious and toxic cycle that eventually makes it nearly impossible for the victim to leave them. This cycle of abuse and reward can even trigger the reward system in the brain, making it akin to the severity of drug addiction. Individuals with mental illness, low self-esteem, and a history of abusive relationships are more likely to suffer from trauma bonding. An untreated mental illness not only puts an individual at risk of trauma bonding but also of turning to self-destructive coping methods like drug and alcohol abuse. At Seaside Palm Beach, not only do we offer various mental health services, but we also provide drug rehabilitation programs that address both the addiction and its contributing factors, like trauma bonding.
Tips for Trauma Bonding Recovery
Getting over a trauma bond is not easy. Many people in trauma bonds are aware of how toxic their relationship is but are still unable to bring themselves to leave. That’s because trauma bonding is a form of psychological conditioning. With a repetitious cycle of abuse and reward, the abuser is able to condition the other person to love them and forgive them no matter what. Whether you’ve already left the abuser or are in recovery, our tips on how to recover from trauma bonding can help you get to a place where you’re happy with yourself and are able to enjoy your other relationships.
Recognize the Bond
Oftentimes, people in trauma bonds have difficulties recognizing what’s happening. They may not realize the cycle of reinforcing behaviors or other signs of trauma bonding. The first step in breaking trauma bonding is recognizing it. There are various ways to do this, such as journaling your relationship and your partner’s behaviors whenever they’re abusive or rewarding.
Journal Daily
Writing things down that happen every day can help you identify the patterns and problems with behavior that you may not have noticed before. Things that may not have seemed abusive or may have even seemed normal are brought into perspective. You begin to realize that every time your spouse yells at you or mistreats you, and afterward, they buy you a gift or shower you with compliments. These daily entries keep your mind clear and serve as evidence of why you should leave that person.
Look at the Relationship From a Different Perspective
Begin to think of your relationship as if it’s a storyline in a book. Think of how the abuser treats the other person, why it’s wrong, and when it occurs. It’s often easier to examine negative events or difficult circumstances when there’s some level of detachment. Pay attention to the small details that make you uncomfortable or seem painful. Do you think they’re healthy? Do you think the abuser’s behavior is truly loving?
Talk to Loved Ones
A great way to ensure you get the help you need and separate yourself from this person is to talk to a loved one. This isn’t easy, though. Maybe you feel embarrassed or ashamed about your relationship, or you’ve pushed your loved ones away when they’ve asked you about your relationship in the past. However, loved ones can offer an unbiased perspective and support. They can give you the clarity and push that you need to leave the person and begin healing.
Do Not Blame Yourself
It’s common for people who have been in abusive relationships to blame themselves for the abuse they’ve suffered. It’s important to remember that no matter what, it’s not your fault. No matter how many times you’ve gone back to them, how much you fear being away from them, or anything you’ve done, it’s not your fault.
Cut Off Contact Completely
Once you make the decision to leave, cut off contact entirely. If you co-parent, a therapist can help you establish a healthy routine. Create distance by finding a place to stay, such as with a relative or friend. Also, consider changing your contact information like your phone number and email address. If you can’t do that, then block them. When they realize you’re serious about leaving, this person may promise you the world. They may swear that they’re going to change or go to therapy as long as you come back. These promises are often tempting, but you have to remind yourself how many times they’ve done this already.
Live In Real-Time
Living in real-time is especially important after you cut off contact and establish your own life. This means letting go of what could have happened or might happen. Notice how you feel in the present.
Identify the “Hook”
Identify what exactly you’re letting go of. Oftentimes, the attraction or the hope people hold onto in trauma bonds is an illusion or a dream. They may be more hopeful of and in love with an idea of the person and relationship instead of truly understanding their reality. Identify your hook. What’s truly keeping you attached to this person?
Develop Your Own Routine
Once you’ve left the relationship, it’s important to establish your own routine. Especially if you were with this person for years, you might have developed a routine that revolves around them. Now that you’re out of that relationship, it’s time to do your own thing. Focus on your career, join a sport or gym, get into music, or take art classes. There are plenty of things you can take up to help you create a life where your self-care is prioritized.
Get Help
Our tips for breaking trauma bonds work best when professional treatment is received. Find a therapist that can help you calmly get through the effects of trauma bonding and establish a healthy routine. Therapists will also help you create boundaries to help you stay out of a relationship with this person and recover. Our luxury rehab in Florida offers mental health treatment that can help you or a loved one recover from the effects of trauma bonding and other forms of mental illness and abuse. For more information, call us now at 561-677-9374 to speak to a team member.
